Has the Reform Movement gone too far in denying legitimate conversations on the role of gender differences?

by Doug Barden

Men are disengaging from Jewish public life. It is a real phenomenon, affecting our rabbis, cantors, and educators; our teenage males. and the adult men of our community. While there are several complicated causes, one that cannot be denied is the fact that the temple culture in many locations is increasingly seen by many men as out of balance. By that, I mean it favors the needs and interests of women to such an extent that it can be perceived as ignoring men’s spiritual needs and interests.

There is no question that the Reform Movement has placed a legitimate emphasis on egalitarianism. It has responded—appropriately—to previously underserved female membership in our community.  However, for too long the increasing absence of men actively participating in temple life has been obscured for various reasons, and it’s time to acknowledge that there has also been a profound misreading of feminist ideology confusing gender stratification with gender differentiation.

The Reform Movement has gone out of its way to get rid of gender stratification- the unevendistribution of positions of leadership, involvement and recognition. The problem is that along the way, it has also mistakenly sought to eliminate all signs of gender differences.  To deny that gender effects how men and women express themselves as individuals and as Jews is to deny reality and happens to go against the basic goals of feminism.

In January 2006, I wrote a study entitled: Wrestling with Jacob and Esau, Fighting the Flight of Men. A Modern Day Crisis in the Reform Movement that dealt with this issue. It was distributed widely, but privately to every rabbi, cantor, and educator in the Reform Movement.  Nonetheless, in the past year, there has been a series of articles in the Jewish and general press focusing—and sometimes seriously questioning—the reality of the male flight phenomenon.

“Boy Crisis” also means “Father Crisis”

The primary focus of these articles in the general press is not on the decreasing enrollment of men at Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion as rabbis, cantors, or educators. Nor is it on the decreasing attendance and participation of adult men in numerous venues of temple life. Rather, the focus has been on the “boy crisis,” namely the absences of teen boys.

The cause for concern is genuine:  the Reform Movement’s national leadership recently examined venues where we would expect relatively equal participation of male and female teens. Unfortunately, we found that there was not one venue where young male teens predominated.   Whether at the URJ summer camps, local or regional NFTY groups, or at national NFTY leadership venues, teen girls were more than in the majority: in some cases the ratio was disproportionately closer to 75% female, 25% male.

Though the press may choose to focus on the young male teen issue, the “boy” crisis can not be separated from the “father” crisis. The next generation of Reform Jews needs to observe and interact with both female and male role models, both lay and professional. Our young men will follow by example. For them to see Judaism as important, they must continue to see their fathers, uncles and brothers taking it seriously. They must continue to see men engaged in Temple work, and we should all be concerned about the larger phenomenon that men of all ages are demonstrating this increased disengagement.

Why can’t there be a “men’s space” too?

I believe that most of the time it is appropriate for men and women to come together and pray, study, and interact as a single community. But for the spiritual needs of some men and women to be sufficiently met, the synagogue must also create at times gender-exclusive space—both women’s space and men’s space. The Reform Movement has readily in the past two decades recognized and supported the need for women’s space; however, many in our Movement find the suggestion of “men’s space” threatening and problematic.

The North American Federation of Temple Brotherhoods (NFTB) is trying to reverse the disengagement of men without setting the egalitarian clock back 30 years. As Jewish women must search out ways to access and celebrate their feminine spiritual energy – and we have all witnessed their successes in achieving this—Jewish men too must search out ways to celebrate their unique masculine spiritual energy. We have developed and will continue to develop programs that help adult men increase their Jewish competency-and also give adult men an opportunity to interact with the next generation (sons and daughters). We want to re-engage men, not dis-enfranchise women

I am a Jewish male feminist. I seek equal respect and opportunity for both men and women within the Reform Movement. That said, if we truly want a stronger and healthier Jewish community, then it is fair to ask the question: Are Reform Jewish men today fully receiving the assistance they need in defining their new roles and opportunities within our congregations?  The challenge is to find new win-win paradigms for both Jewish men and women interested in ensuring a strong Jewish community in the 21^st century.

What do you think? Post your comment.